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Why would you think the asd relay would cause this? Code 12 means nothing. Code 43 means misfire. Check your coil, spark plug wires, plugs, fuel pressure, compression, and injectors.
i had read on another site that the ASD relay controls quite a few things...the problem is during this same issue my car is also hesitating and even stalling(along with dieseling). I have changed the O2 sensor about 2 weeks ago. The coil pack,plugs and wires are all less than a year old.