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One of the best ever Craigs List ads!

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  #1  
Old 10-17-2013, 12:56 PM
Sniper X's Avatar
Sniper X Sniper X is offline
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Garage is empty, add now
 
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Posts: 601
Default One of the best ever Craigs List ads!

http://enid.craigslist.org/cto/41192...html%3C/div%3E


HAHAHA!!!


1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!

$1750

Here's the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It's a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.


If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bull**** job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid ****: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the ***** to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

DETAILS:
-I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-*** crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven't fixed it.
-Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn't matter
A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don't want to replace them I will.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick ***, so there.

QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can't justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.

-What's wrong with it?
Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver's side door cosmetic issues.
And it's pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of **** honda project down the road.
I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad ****.

-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
I haven't had the time to do so. So I am selling it.

-Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
I don't give a ****. But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I'd drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.

-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.

-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That's great, I don't give a ****. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it.
But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an ******* - then no sale.

-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
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Resistance isn't futile, it is voltage divided by current.

1991 W150, 4x4 4 speed 318 all stock like it came from the factory.
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  #2  
Old 10-17-2013, 01:46 PM
dodge dude94 dodge dude94 is offline
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1998 Dodge Ram 1500
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Vehicle: 1998 Ram 1500 QCSB 360 4x4
Location: East Texas
Posts: 8,923
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Yeah, I've circulated that to a few of my friends. It's hilarious.
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  #3  
Old 10-17-2013, 07:50 PM
wontacceptthis's Avatar
wontacceptthis wontacceptthis is offline
Record Breaker
1972 Volkswagen Beetle
My Garage
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Vehicle: 1989 D250 318, auto
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,013
Default

I'm wondering if this was meant for me. I have a scar from a hi-lift jack on my forehead.

AM I THE CHOSEN ONE?!?!?!
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1989 ram d250, 318, 727, 3.9 gears, glasspack, weiand triangle filter, finally got repainted again!
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  #4  
Old 10-17-2013, 07:54 PM
dodge dude94 dodge dude94 is offline
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1998 Dodge Ram 1500
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Vehicle: 1998 Ram 1500 QCSB 360 4x4
Location: East Texas
Posts: 8,923
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Only one way to find out......... ROADTRIP!!
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  #5  
Old 12-09-2013, 12:44 AM
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goB1Gred ram goB1Gred ram is offline
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1996 Dodge Ram 1500
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Vehicle: 1996 Dodge Ram 1500 4x4
Location: ****tsburg, Kansas
Posts: 23
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sniper X View Post
http://enid.craigslist.org/cto/41192...html%3C/div%3E

-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an ******* - then no sale.

-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA LMAOROTF sounds like me!!! (i didnt post it though)
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  #6  
Old 12-23-2013, 12:09 PM
360thunder 360thunder is offline
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Garage is empty, add now
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 8
Default

Ahahahahahahahahahahahqhqhqhqhqhahahahahahahahahah ah
That is wicked awesome
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  #7  
Old 01-09-2014, 04:29 PM
daksnbeers daksnbeers is offline
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1993 Dodge Dakota
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 233
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I'd drink some beers with that dude for sure. This was gold.
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  #8  
Old 01-09-2014, 06:31 PM
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bigblack991500 bigblack991500 is offline
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1999 Dodge Ram 1500
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Vehicle: 99 1500 4x4 slt
Location: Maine
Posts: 10
Default

oh man my sides hurt thats one wicked good read
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99 1500 QCSB 318 3.55
plenum was fixed @ 189,000ish but couldn't get two broke bolts out but hey it still runs fine now has 195,000
daily driver and work truck
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  #9  
Old 01-09-2014, 06:53 PM
Blacknights Blacknights is offline
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2001 Dodge Dakota
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Vehicle: 01' Dakota SLT QC 4.7L 4x4
Location: Georgia
Posts: 294
Default

Hahaha this was awesome, I want to meet this guy just to offer him a beer. Gave me a good laugh for the day.
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  #10  
Old 01-11-2014, 10:58 PM
djbucky3 djbucky3 is offline
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1998 Dodge Ram 1500
 
Join Date: May 2013
Vehicle: 1998 Ram 1500 Sport 4x4
Location: Virginia, Florida
Posts: 562
Default

I would absolutely love to meet this man!
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Old 01-11-2014, 10:58 PM
 
 
 
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