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Old 09-20-2009, 07:08 PM
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Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.



Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can drop your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.



Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.



Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar



Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"



Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!



Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, *******?
A. *******: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a *******.



Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.



Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.



Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!



Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.



Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.



Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.



Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.



Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.



Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.



Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.



Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called **** scrapes.



Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your ****?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!



Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.



Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.



Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter



Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."



Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.



Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.



Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.



Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving



Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!



Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"




Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.



Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.



Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.



Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!



Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for *** holes.
 
  #2  
Old 09-20-2009, 07:27 PM
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LMAO.
I got one for ya, its called "Blond Breathalyzer Test"

I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"

"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Uh... yes." replied the cop.

"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer test......"
 
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Old 09-20-2009, 08:00 PM
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Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The first whispers back: It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection. The second dwarf shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!
 

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