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Joke of the day

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  #11  
Old 03-03-2014, 06:21 AM
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Lmao. Keep them coming. Lol.
 
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  #12  
Old 03-03-2014, 06:26 AM
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After an examination, the doctor said to Frank: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?

'In fact, I do.' said Frank. "After my wife Jeannie and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly . . . and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined Jeannie later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

Jeannie replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Well, Frank mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time . . . and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea why?'

"Oh, that crazy old fart!'' Jeannie replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.'
 
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  #13  
Old 03-03-2014, 09:55 PM
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LOL!
 
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  #14  
Old 03-17-2014, 12:05 PM
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What's the difference between a Irish wedding and

an Irish funeral ?

One less drunk
 
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2014, 06:49 AM
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Some have asked what I'm going to be doing in retirement.
Well, I* applied for a building permit for a new house.
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighbourhood.
It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.*

The City Council told me; “Forget* it...IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!”*

So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called* it a 'Mosque'.*

Work starts on Monday.*
 
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  #16  
Old 03-19-2014, 10:23 AM
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Thumbs up kinda new here!!

But all good jokes, even put a smile on my face!! Good job, please keep it up!!
 
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  #17  
Old 03-19-2014, 11:26 AM
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 
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Old 03-19-2014, 02:13 PM
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An American walks into an Irish pub in Dublin. He puts 500 euro on the bar and says "I hear you Irishmen are good drinkers; well I will bet any one of you 500 euro that you cannot down 10 pints of Guinness without stopping. Any takers?"

Everyone in the pub is looking around at each other, and one of the Irishmen gets up and rushes out of the pub. A few minutes later, the very same man runs back in through the door-way and says "I can do it!"

The bar tender pours 10 pints of Guinness on the bar and sure enough, the Irishman drinks all 10 without stopping. The American, looking surprised, hands the 500 euro bill to him and says "I just have one question, where did you go to and come back from?"

The Irishman responds "Well, I went to the pub next door to make sure I could do it"
 
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Old 03-19-2014, 03:29 PM
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Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills, and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum...let our kids worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also, he has been so arrogant, and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. He has also gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics, the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims. Finally, he's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?
Signed, Lost.

Dear Lost
,

Suck it up, and stop whining, Michelle..seems getting to live in that White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything. You can divorce the jerk anytime. The rest of us are stuck with him for 3 more years.
Sincerely
Abby.
 
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  #20  
Old 03-19-2014, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by jkeaton View Post
Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills, and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum...let our kids worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also, he has been so arrogant, and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. He has also gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics, the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims. Finally, he's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?
Signed, Lost.

Dear Lost,

Suck it up, and stop whining, Laura..seems getting to live in that White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything. You can divorce the jerk anytime. The rest of us are stuck with him for 3 more years.
Sincerely
Abby.
Fixed it for you
 
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