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Joke of the day

  #21  
Old 03-19-2014, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by jkeaton View Post
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
oh my poor, sore, aching tuna!!!
 
  #22  
Old 03-20-2014, 08:02 AM
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A little boy and his grandfather rake leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.

He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a jar of chocolate ice cream topping. He coats the earthworm in the sauce until it is straight and stiff in a hard chocolate shell. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the chocolate sauce and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
 
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Old 03-20-2014, 02:11 PM
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Wish I had $5!!
 
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Old 03-20-2014, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Tunaman View Post
Wish I had $5!!
To give grandpa?
 
  #25  
Old 03-21-2014, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by jkeaton View Post
To give grandpa?
You want to put chocolate on grandpa's worm?
 

Last edited by RDuck; 03-21-2014 at 07:39 AM.
  #26  
Old 03-22-2014, 12:04 PM
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When I was a kid I got caught peeing in the public pool. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud I almost fell in.
 
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Old 03-22-2014, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by brush4646 View Post
When I was a kid I got caught peeing in the public pool. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud I almost fell in.
Is that supposed to be a joke of the day?
 
  #28  
Old 03-22-2014, 03:27 PM
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.

The man stands up again and makes another offer: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

"I'll try," says a small woman, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.
 
  #29  
Old 03-25-2014, 07:41 AM
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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
 
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Old 03-25-2014, 11:02 AM
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Why don't chickens wear underwear ? Their peckers are on their face.
 

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