I'll keep this short and simple. So, what had happened was...

2013 Ram 1500 4x4, Big Horn, 5.7L Hemi

Bought "new" programmed PCM from Flagship One - ordered the wrong model by accident, but that's a story for another time.
Received my "new" programmed PCM from Flagship One - did semi-happy dance because their customer service was, and is, horrible.
Per installation video instruction provided by that wealth of superior and fact-ridden knowledge, YouTube, disconnected my Negative Battery Terminal.
To be "sure", I also disconnected my Positive Battery Terminal
Unplugged both plugs from the old PCM - for our case, heretofore referred to as "Suspect 1."
Removed Suspect 1
Installed new PCM - for our case, heretofore referred to as "Suspect 2."
Plugged both plugs back into Suspect 2.
Reconnected Positive Battery Terminal
Reconnected Negative Battery Terminal

Per installation video instruction, attempted to start truck. And that's when the fun began.
All sorts of bells, whistles, alarms, and general mayhem (organized chaos, but chaos nonetheless) start going off, "Service System ___," and "4x4 System temporarily unavailable," etc., etc.
VATS light is flashing in the dash
Radio, lights, seats, power locks ... they all work.
Truck won't start, won't "click", won't do anything related to starting the engine. Won't turn over.

Repeated the first set of steps to reinstall Suspect 1 back in the vehicle.

Now I have a very large driveway decoration because the result of returning Suspect 1 back to the truck is the same as with Suspect 2.

I have pulled fuses, disconnected battery terminals and touched them together (away from the battery, of course), turned the manual key in the door locks, etc., ad nauseum. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Zero effect.

I'm at my wits end and don't have the cash to pay the dealer to fix it. Can ANYONE help me?

 

Sounds like the vehicle is disabled die to the VIN not being programmed in the new PCM. No way to fix that unless you have the Factory Chrysler WIFI tool

 

even even when I put the old PCM back in it still did it. Would the new PCM Lock it out Until the Chrysler Wi-Fi tool was applied?

 

That I'm unsure of to be honest.

 

I'd love to know how this was resolved.