Between a Rock and a hard place
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Between a Rock and a hard place
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.
Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst
Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the
stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off
him during the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large
rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about.
" He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese
Torture 2: Rock tied to left ********." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few
broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the
ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right ******** tied to bedpost."
Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst
Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the
stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off
him during the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large
rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about.
" He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese
Torture 2: Rock tied to left ********." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few
broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the
ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right ******** tied to bedpost."
Damn, that would suck. 
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RE: Between a Rock and a hard place
Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with the
mother superior. "well, how can I help you little people?" asked mother
superior. the larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns
asked "oh mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here
at the convent?" "No," says mother superior, "I don't have any midget
nuns here at the convent" "all right than, mother superior, would you be
knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland than?" "no, no," replied
mother superior, "I don't know of any nuns who are also midgets in all
of Ireland at all." "Well than mother superior, in all of nundom, in the
whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, than, of any midget
nuns?' "No, I would not, there are no midget nuns in the whole of the
world!" replied mother superior, "and would you please tell me what this
is all about!!?" The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid
leprechaun and said "see, its as I told you all along, you've been
screwing a Penguin"
mother superior. "well, how can I help you little people?" asked mother
superior. the larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns
asked "oh mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here
at the convent?" "No," says mother superior, "I don't have any midget
nuns here at the convent" "all right than, mother superior, would you be
knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland than?" "no, no," replied
mother superior, "I don't know of any nuns who are also midgets in all
of Ireland at all." "Well than mother superior, in all of nundom, in the
whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, than, of any midget
nuns?' "No, I would not, there are no midget nuns in the whole of the
world!" replied mother superior, "and would you please tell me what this
is all about!!?" The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid
leprechaun and said "see, its as I told you all along, you've been
screwing a Penguin"
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RE: Between a Rock and a hard place
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.