Thursday Funnies
#1
04-12-2007 | 09:11 PM
Thursday Funnies
Here are a couple of jokes I heard today on some other forums. The second one is slightly vulgar, so read at your own risk. Enjoy...[/align][/align][/align]The Final Exam[/align][/align]At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry
and all of them had an "A" so far.
These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they'd missed it. They said that they had visited friends, but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they said, they had missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.
The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy....
....then they turned the page. On the second page was written:
for 95 points: Which tire? _____[/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]The Perfect Day[/align][/align]
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by
thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition,
blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained
17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from
secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets
to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying crap while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude
who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson
(bending over showing her growler, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep[/align][/align]
and all of them had an "A" so far.
These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they'd missed it. They said that they had visited friends, but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they said, they had missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.
The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy....
....then they turned the page. On the second page was written:
for 95 points: Which tire? _____[/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]The Perfect Day[/align][/align]
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by
thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition,
blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained
17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from
secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets
to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying crap while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude
who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson
(bending over showing her growler, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep[/align][/align]
#4
04-13-2007 | 02:26 AM
Champion
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,051
Likes: 6
From: Roanoke, Texas
#6
04-13-2007 | 01:23 PM
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 441
Likes: 0
From: Houston TX
#7
04-14-2007 | 02:43 AM
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 283
Likes: 0
From: Jordan, Ontario
RE: Thursday Funnies
ORIGINAL: chris1974
Down here in Houston, we havea holiday once a year that a radio station made up for all the guys since women have Valentines Day. Men have "steak and ******* day". And of course- i recognize this holiday every year.
Down here in Houston, we havea holiday once a year that a radio station made up for all the guys since women have Valentines Day. Men have "steak and ******* day". And of course- i recognize this holiday every year.