Car dies completely while off. Sometimes I have enough power to remote unlock the door before I get in and then nothing. Sometimes it will start up given some miracle, everything but the radio turns on and I need a jump but then the car runs fine but as soon as I turn it off it dies again. When ever I try to start it like I said before i get a click, the dash lights up and the odometer says fuse.
I have not yet checked the fuses because I was waiting for pay day and days off.

This is my first big car repair job so please use simple terms for me.

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-Parasitic-Battery-Drain

That should help. You'll need a volt meter, but you can get them at walmart for a few bucks. It's super useful to have anyway, if you don't already have one. Parasitic drain sucks.....but it might also be that your battery is old. Sometimes older batteries do that. Pop the caps off the top of the battery with a flathead screwdriver and make sure you can see fluid in the holes. If not, you can add distilled water to it. Good luck!