Help - My Truck Won't Run
Champion
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,697
Likes: 3
From: Cape Carteret NC
pour some freeze dried chinamen in the tank.. those are some industrial little cusses, and once they collect some moisture, they'll get right to work.. you'll never even know they're there, unless you listen real close and are fluent in mandarin..
Grand Champion
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 5,011
Likes: 6
From: Meeker, CO
Trade the truck away for a bicycle and a goat wagon. It might leave enough in your budget for hookers and blow, or at least a cousin and a rack of Milwaukee's Best Light.
Hall Of Fame
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 12,204
Likes: 10
From: Gainesville, Ga.
i think GD is onto something. if your truck was originally sold in California its probably got a Pacific Timing Module, PTM. Since your truck is in Oklahoma, it will need to be replaced with a Central Timing Module, CTM. I'd send you mine, but it won't work either because its an Eastern Timing Module, ETM.
you'll need to go to the dealer for this type of service.
you'll need to go to the dealer for this type of service.
Have you downloaded the "No Start" app for your smartphone? It works wonders. Download the app, then point your phone at your lawnmower. Grab your left ******** between your big toe and your elbow while chanting "imasmellysonofabitch" for a minimum of 15 days. After this, you MUST give the dog a bath with tepid water. Then start the truck. I had a cousin from a guy that was married to another woman that went to a different high school in the early 1920's provide me with this helpful information.
Professional
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 174
Likes: 0
From: Big Rapids, MI
Does your truck really WANT to run? It has to want to, not just because you tell it to.
Maybe it's lonely. You should invest in another truck that it can look up to like a big brother. Give it some motivation.
Or get some racy little European car to keep it company. That should get it's motor running.
Maybe it's lonely. You should invest in another truck that it can look up to like a big brother. Give it some motivation.
Or get some racy little European car to keep it company. That should get it's motor running.
Have you downloaded the "No Start" app for your smartphone? It works wonders. Download the app, then point your phone at your lawnmower. Grab your left ******** between your big toe and your elbow while chanting "imasmellysonofabitch" for a minimum of 15 days. After this, you MUST give the dog a bath with tepid water. Then start the truck. I had a cousin from a guy that was married to another woman that went to a different high school in the early 1920's provide me with this helpful information.
Legend
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 8,259
Likes: 4
From: Austin, TX
Have you downloaded the "No Start" app for your smartphone? It works wonders. Download the app, then point your phone at your lawnmower. Grab your left ******** between your big toe and your elbow while chanting "imasmellysonofabitch" for a minimum of 15 days. After this, you MUST give the dog a bath with tepid water. Then start the truck. I had a cousin from a guy that was married to another woman that went to a different high school in the early 1920's provide me with this helpful information.
Thank you for that visual......
Hall Of Fame
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 12,204
Likes: 10
From: Gainesville, Ga.
VW - i don't think you have properly motivated your truck to want to run. you've sat around on your *** and allowed your truck to grow soft and lazy. what it needs is discipline and motivation.
in order to motivate lazy people i've always been taught to light a fire under their ***. that has always worked.
so i think you should do the same for your truck. its time to get mean. its time to get nasty. you should build a pretty large fire under your truck's ***. right about the middle, maybe a little towards the rear end, perhaps right under the gas tank. a big roaring fire with some plastic that will burn really hot. maybe throw in about 10 gallons of diesel fuel.
i think this will permanently solve your problem.
in order to motivate lazy people i've always been taught to light a fire under their ***. that has always worked.
so i think you should do the same for your truck. its time to get mean. its time to get nasty. you should build a pretty large fire under your truck's ***. right about the middle, maybe a little towards the rear end, perhaps right under the gas tank. a big roaring fire with some plastic that will burn really hot. maybe throw in about 10 gallons of diesel fuel.
i think this will permanently solve your problem.
Legend
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 8,914
Likes: 4
From: Fredericksburg, Virginia
VW - i don't think you have properly motivated your truck to want to run. you've sat around on your *** and allowed your truck to grow soft and lazy. what it needs is discipline and motivation.
in order to motivate lazy people i've always been taught to light a fire under their ***. that has always worked.
so i think you should do the same for your truck. its time to get mean. its time to get nasty. you should build a pretty large fire under your truck's ***. right about the middle, maybe a little towards the rear end, perhaps right under the gas tank. a big roaring fire with some plastic that will burn really hot. maybe throw in about 10 gallons of diesel fuel.
i think this will permanently solve your problem.
in order to motivate lazy people i've always been taught to light a fire under their ***. that has always worked.
so i think you should do the same for your truck. its time to get mean. its time to get nasty. you should build a pretty large fire under your truck's ***. right about the middle, maybe a little towards the rear end, perhaps right under the gas tank. a big roaring fire with some plastic that will burn really hot. maybe throw in about 10 gallons of diesel fuel.
i think this will permanently solve your problem.
Best advice so far! VW, when you try this it's important to get a video and post it to YouTube and link to it here, so we can see if you did it right
