No vote from me either.
I tell ya what though, I will lend some advice!!
Even though it sucks and is wrong for her to be talking to this guy and it's pretty clear that she is reaching out for something, it is probably a good thing it happened and happened when it did.
You have the golden oppertunity to stand back and evaluate what is wrong in your marrage and try to mend things if they are able to be mended. I know very little about you and I know nothing about your family but I have seen many good people go down this road.
Not only do you have a chance to try to see what went wrong and fix it but the simple fact that both your emotions and anger will now open up and show it's self, will help both of you do and say things that you would otherwise not do or say.
In other words, it could be much worse and something actually happened and maybe to late to fix. But you now know something is wrong and she is reaching out for something that she might feel she doesn't have at home. I know you are a great guy and obviously didn't know she feels something is missing. But now you know and can do something about it.

I say try to talk it out for everyones sake. We all make mistakes and you should try to see it that way for now and not judge till you are sure of all the facts. I almost pushed my wife away a few years back and I had no idea I was doing it. Men and Women are so different, we don't know or see one tenth of what they think and feel but as a man you have to be able to accept it and be a little more attentive sometimes, even though sometimes it sucks.........lol.
I was able to save my marrage and we talked it out and saw that it was both of us who needed to work on things to make it right. And I actually think that it was good for our marrage to have come so close to loosing each other. It takes things like this to open our eyes and make us see just how much you love each other.

Sorry for the speech, I am here if ya need me Jimmy!

 

Jimmy, I have been down this road and there is no easy answer. The lesson that I learned from this is that the KIDS are the most important thing in this delima. You and your wife need to sit down and see what is best for the kids. Do whatever it takes to make sure the kids are thought of first. If you need to talk, you have my numbers...

 

Jimmy, I didn't vote either. No one can make that decision for you but you. I was in the exact same situation 12 years ago with my wife. We came to the razors edge of being divorced. In fact she left the house (on foot cause I disabled our car) when she returned a hour or two later. We talked and layed out our boundries to each other.We have been married for 14 years now, and have two great kids. I think in my situation the reality that she was married and had responsiblity hit her and made her a little crazy. The silver lining in all this is we really don't ever have fights of the "I'm leaving" magnitude since that big blow out. We have arguments, but since we each know we've used the "it's over" card that it can never be used again unless it is really over.

I don't envy your situation right now, because I know the pain your in. Like has been said if you have a faith, now would be the ideal time to use it!

If you need to talk to someone, I'll be online for a while tonight. I'm traveling for business tomorrow through Saturday so I'll be off line, but you can get my cell number from Drew.

 

i left house once before having kids,i only returned at the end of the next day but my wife was like: if u gonna leave then leave thats all...
i spoke to her and she was very frightened about that..we dealed our issues and now its much better

 

I feel for you! It was thetoughest shot I have ever been dealt. Staying and trying to look normal isn't normal. Your kids aren't idiots, they're very perceptive little people. My kids were my first and most important consideration(and they still are) I tried the stay and play "normal" game for years thinking it was the best for my kids. Two parents in the same house who don't love each other and show affection definitely does not do the children any good. It turns out that moving out made it possible to heal and go on. Your wife lied to you and has no credibility. She will do it again! And surely has before if you found out about this BIG one! If you stay it'll eat at you whether she'll let you down again. Trust issues like that are mental anvils that drag a guy down. Take some time away and really think about this, it will change your life forever, but you can choose to move on or stay and suffer.
Been there and learned from it.
Mike
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I did not vote either but here is my two cense worth.

Sit down with your wife and talk to her. Ask her to put her self in your shoes. How would she feel if you have been stepping out on her? Ask why did she do it? Find out what is the underlying reason. Try to fix the cause not the symptom.

Your kids need you both. They need a stable loving home. You both have an obligation as parents to do your best to provide physical and emotional nourishment for your kids. You can not have a clear conscious and walk away from them all without trying and trying again to make it all work.

You made a promise in front of all your friends, and family, and maybe God, if you are religious, that you will stick together through sickness and health and through good and bad. Now you are going through the bad. You both have to work it out or at least try. Marriage is not always easy. It takes at times infinite patience, understanding, and composure.

Be patient, and always think about your kid’s happiness first.

Good luck.

 

jimmy currently my parents are divorcing and i am stuck in the middle (i am 16). if you decide to call it quits with your wife do not fight over the kids and do not make them make a choise of who they will live with, it is a HORRIBLE disicion! from a kids perspective it is better for the parents to seperate than having a stresfull home life.

what ever you do make sure it is what you really want.

 

Here's my 2 cents ...

Don't worry about her

Don't worry about the kids ( both of you already know they'll be taken care of )

PutYOURSELF first!!!

It's time to step up and do what Jimmy wants. Too much emphisis is put on her doing the "act". Eff that. Her being an an emotional level with this guy IMO is far worse than a 1 night stand.

Have a conversation with her,be firm, and be a man.It is VERY importnt that you realize that this was NOT YOUR FAULT !!!! I can't stress that enough !! Have a conversation with her and let her know that you love her, you love your family, and you love your life, however if she reaches out to this cat one more time she will be throwing it all away. Be crystal clear on this that this conversation is NOT an untimatum, it is a fact. When / if she does reach out to this cat again, it's time to get your affairs in order. The rest will fall right into place once you are right in your own head.

Best of luck Jimmy ... I'm also here for ya

 

Thanks guys have no thad a chance to talk to her as she left fo rowrk early last night (graveyard) I will tonight. will keep you all posted

 

she work in a graveyard? shes not diggin right?