Just in case it's a girl,

Rules to live by for those of you with girls and a warning for those of you with boys (especially boys close to my daughters age).....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have many firearms, knives and other deadly weapons, shovels, picks, axes and access to thousands of acres in eight different states. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

That is pretty cool. I am sending a copy to my brother-in-law. He has 4 girls. It took him five times to get the token boy child. Too bad he is being nurtured by 4 older sisters.

 

That is the BEST! Thanks for sharing with us all, even if it's primarily for Drew! (I am copying it too, and sending to some people who can relate...)

 

HA HA HA HA

girls have cooties

 

AMEN !!! words to live by when having a daughter. Ever since my daughter was born, I've been told to go ahead and buy a gun now cause your gonna want to at least show it to someone that comes a courting.

I may just have to print that list .... laminate it and make it reqiured reading before dating my daughter !!

 

my 20 gage is a double barrell. . .and I can fire both at the same time

 

That's good stuff. About a year ago I played cards at a friends house. At 3 am , I was leaving and noticed a pickup out in front of his house, stopped, on a country road. We went out to see if there was a problem.
Can someone explain to me how a local 17-18 year old boy gets "lost" in front of a 16 year old girl's house? Idiot.

 

Well, I only have a boy and as funny as that appears, I think that is exactly how I would feel if I had a girl.

 

whenever I saw the father cleaning his guns, I'd pull mine out and start cleaning them. And yes I'm still talking about firearms mayfair

 

LMMFAO !!!

Printed ... laminated, and WILL be hanging in my kitchen. AWESOME !! Thanks for sharin it !!