It looks like you have exhausted your options. Time for a Viper swap.

 

see if you can get ahold of one of there...work like a fricken charm for filters that wont budge

http://www.otctools.com/products/2-w...wrench_3_prong

 

I used to use the filter wrench that you just attach to a ratchet and it always worked for me. Now I just hand tighten them on and I can usually unscrew it by hand if I use a towel or shirt to get a good grip on it. Never used the screw driver method myself. And I know those drain plugs are a b*tch especially if you always took it to a shop before doing it yourself

 

If you cant get the oil drain plug try bolt-off tool from Sears!
http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_1..._tnt=39869:4:0

 

+1 on this. Oil filters DO NOT need to be tightened with wrenches or anything of that matter. I have always just hand tightened my oil filters and never had any problems. They come with a seal for a reason. It's going to create a suction whenever you drive your truck and the oil heats up for the first time.

 

Hand tighten only on filters, I can usually undo them by hand (but I'm a big dude) but if not then filter wrench. I don't like the screwdriver method because most filters are tin bonded to steel baseplate. My father tried this because his brother (my uncle is foreign) tightened the **** out of the oil filter on his 'vette with a strap wrench. Then my father (the single most mechanically declined person I know) decided to get a hair up his *** and try to change his own oil. I got the phone call AFTER he punched a flathead through it and then tore all the tin off leaving a very hard to get off baseplate. Strap type filter wrench or a straight strap wrench. End of rant.