Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually
mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone
calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar
system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than
dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

....and the number 1 rejection line given by women

1. Let's be friends.
(You don't even have a Dodge Truck, a Cummins would have got you lucky right in the parking lot)

 

Tips for Men....from the Redneck Book of Manners.

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the
restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good
his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone..... deodorant is a waste of good
money.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first
date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some=20
will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the
answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school
on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance,
such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not "smoke" your tires while traveling in a funeral procession.

 

Redneck Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.[/align] [/align] 2) Are your parents retarded? cuz you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea . I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree I was a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8)Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9)I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If your gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til dinner.

and.... the best for last -

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
[/align]

 

GOOD MORNING DODGE FORUM! LMFAO! Wife thinks I'm retarded now.... are you happy.

 

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 

An old-time southern hell fire & brimstone country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, - a silver dollar, - a bottle of whisky and - a Playboy magazine

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good, low down drunkard, and, Lord, help me.... what a shame that would be. And worst of all..... if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin', no good bum."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"

 

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they' re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says. 'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' he says, this check is only made out for $50.00.'


'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager. 'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!

 

So this guy wants to have a luau. He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to
a pig farm. He asks the farmer for a twenty-pound pig.

The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig,
puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few
seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, "Nope, not quite twenty pounds."

He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around
awhile, and declares, "This one's twenty pounds!" He brings the pig out,
and the man says in a shocked tone, "You can't weigh a pig like that!"

"Sure I can," said the farmer, "Watch this." He called his son over and
asked him to weigh the pig. The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its
tail in his mouth, and swung it around awhile. He put the pig down and
said, "This one weighs twenty pounds."

The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer told the boy to get his
mother so that she can weigh the pig.

After five minutes, the boy returned alone. "She can't come out just yet,"
the boy said. "She's weighing the mailman."

 

My favorite street corner!

[IMG]local://upfiles/69382/64CCBBDFA38947D7A72EABCBF4A6A5CF.jpg[/IMG]

 

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then he calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid is dumb and never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over."